How i feel right now !

I know what you are all thinking...

I know that this may sound silly but to me its my everything...

I'm not good at anything else apart from writing..

My life is just strange and its full of different emotions i can be happy on minute and then i am sad for the rest of the day...

I feel like i have no one to talk to about how i feel because they may find it silly...

 I know i can be happy and be the person i want to be but right know it doesn't...

I've dreamed of being a skinny quiet girl for so long and i have finally realized that it's never going to happen if i am feeling like this...

Dreams can come true but will mine? will they ever come true? could they come true?....

The answer is maybe, my dreams may be able to come true if i work hard enough...

I have a very supportive family and friends but i don't really like talking to my family i don't know why but...

The only people i feel like i can talk to about anything is my friends and teachers at school....

I don't know how to stop me feeling this about everything but i really do feel like i am all alone and no one to talk to about it.. when i do talk to someone i don't think they listen to me and understand how i actually feel and what i am telling them...

i wish people would listen to me for once and care about how i felt and understood why  but i guess that is another one of my dreams that may never happen...

Don't hold in how you feel it will only make things worse.. 

xxxxxxxx

Okay i'm going to be honest with you!

okay so I'm sick being the one with no friends in my lessons, I'm always the one trying and I don'y want to anymore...

I'm sick of trying with you all...

Why is it me who has no friends in their lessons... Oh i forget nothing goes right for me... I'm always the one who is crying and being upset because i have no one to talk to in my lessons...

It may be my fault that i have no one to speak to in my lessons because there is always those people that always annoy me and i know that it is stupid to be like i am but i don't care if you don't like me then that's fine because i'm not worrying about the people that don't like me... 

I'm worrying about the people that i thought was my friends... I don't really know who to turn to, i always give other people advise but never take my own...

I wish there was someone who i could talk to who would actually listen to me and care about what i say but i know that, that is never going to happen... people will always not care about what i say and what i will be feeling...

I will always help anyone if they need help... if you feel the same comment and i will help you the best i can.. i'll always be there for anyone 

xxxxxx

I never believed in myself... do you?

Before i started slimming world, i never believed in my self... i thought that i wasn't good at anything and that i was always going to be fat and stupid....

But that wasn't the case... the first day i stepped in slimming world i was really nervous and scared because i didn't know any one there... i have never been to anything like it!, when our consultant first spoke to us i thought she is really nice.... i couldn't of been more right she was and is amazing she always listened to me when i needed someone to talk to...

The first week on a diet was amazing i felt really good... then before i knew it it was tuesday again and it was time to get weighted... i was really nervous when i stepped on the scales... i looked down and i seen that i lost 7lbs!!! in my first week half a stone in my first week i was made up....

When my consultant got to my name on her little monitor i put my head down never spoke and went bright red... i didn't know how anyone was going to react but they we all soo lovely and kind .... 

The hole point of my story is that you should always believe in your self no matte what you do... other people will always believe in you so you should too!!... i know it's hard to do then it is for me to say but when you don't believe in yourself, you don't believe in anything that you do and it probably  won't be as good as you can make it... you believe in yourself and the things you do will be even better...

I've learnt that when i started to believe in my self my work started to become better and i was getting higher marks and i still am i've gone from E's and U's to C's and D's in the space of year thanks to people believing in me and telling me they do  and believing in myself.... always believe in yourself and the things that you do!!! 

xxxxxxx

everybody hurt's

i have to share this song because it's amazing never fails to make me cry...

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
when you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on.
Don't let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.

Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along.
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
if you feel like letting go, (hold on)
when you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on.

Everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends.
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand.
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
when you think you've had too much of this life to hang on.

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes.
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on.
Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. (repeat & fade)
(Everybody hurts. You are not alone.) <3

a song about beauty

I know a place
Where the visitor always stays
Beauty runs 'em down
When they chance to cross that way
Through the night I hear that strain
Beauty's on my trail again
Try to run but my legs are lame
Through the night I hear the (strain)
Out on that plain

It's anybody's fault
Open up your heart
In pours the salt
Through the night I hear that strain
Beauty's on my trail again
Try to run but my legs are lame
Through the night I hear the strain
Open up your mind,
In pours the trash

Open up your mouth
And the lightning starts to flash
Through the night I hear that strain
Beauty's on my trail again
Try to run but my legs are lame
Through the night I feel the strain
Through the night, hear the strain
Through the night, feel the strain

song i did

I talk to you
You walk away
You're still on the down beat
You say you don't want my help
But you can't escape
If your running from yourself

I give you my love
I give you my love
Give you my love
Still you walk away

It's your own late show
As you jump to the street below
But where can you go
To leave yourself behind
Alone in the spotlight
Of this, your own tragedy

I give you my love, love, love
Love, love, love, love, love, love...

In the heart in the heart
In the heart of the city
Heart in the heart in
The heart of the city
Oh, love...
I pour my love out for you
And I'll bring you through
See your not alone

I give you my love, give you my love
Give you my love, give you my love
Give you my love, give you my love
Give you my love, give you my love
Give you my love, love, love
Love, love, love, love, love...

today i feel

Today i feel like i could slap you in your face.. i'v done nothing wrong..we fell out, was the best think that ever happened to knowing i don't have to worrie about you...

But it is killing me not having to... I'm soo glad i have all the friends i need... to help me get through life and that are always going to be there for me no matter what...

I feel like i have to care what other people think of me but i don't i am who i am and if you or anyone else doesn't like it then they don't have to be my friend...

I know i can be difficult and be Steuben but when it comes down to telling my friends how i feel... well i know who i can and can't tell... 

I will always care about what people think of me but that is only because i feel like i need to care...if i am going to make it through life i need to change the way i see people...

I may act all i don't care but i do.. i;m just afraid to show it...because you all may think i am being silly...

i will always be here for friends when ever they need me..

I will never ever judge my friends because they have never judged me... i am who i am and the sooner people realize that the better.. why is it that every time i try to be who i am not it doesn't work out...

Well may be it's a sign that i should always be who i am and not who i'm not...

never judge a book by its cover.... always be who you are not someone your not...

<3