how i feel today!

today i don't have the smile i had the other day, no one can understand how i feel right now,

Today has been a real eye opener because it's made me realize how  much i want this...

But i feel down about it because i know i have to do it and if i don't i'm going to feel down and disappointed with myself because i never did it,

i know i have to do it, i know i can i have done it before, but i'm just finding it hard right now...

I don't know why but i am,

I don't know how to tell people how i feel about ti because they might find it stupid and pathetic...

But to me it's not its how i feel about it, i know that no one can help me but myself... I have very good friends that i can talk to about it, but they don't really understand me...

I'm going to stay strong and push through it, I'm going to do what ever it takes to do it, even if i find it really hard i'm going to push trough it and think why i'm doing this.. 

I really want this more then anything in the world and if i want it i'm going to have to try my hardest to do it, even if it kills me i'm going to do it...<3